Shut Down and Lonely

I like attention. That is my biggest flaw. I want everything to be about me. I am selfish. I just wish that I could shut down that part of me. I know it's not healthy. The only problem is that I crave it just more than I want to shut it down. I want to be the best. I want everyone to see how great I am. Yuck. I can't believe I just typed that sentence. I fear that the root of all the greed is jealousy. To me, it seems like everyone in my position is sowing their seeds of their adult life. I am at a crossroads. It is one of the worst places to be in. I want something to happen but it all depends on me....