Lack There Of

Ok, the title of this has little to do with the actual post, as of right now.
I am one of those people who always dream of something more glamorous in my life, something exotic and just seriously off the wall and out in left field. However, as I stated in my last blog, I am not that lucky. In fact, I almost never win at luck stuff. When I am competing or doing something that requires work from me, sure I get what I put into it, but when it comes to straight up winning or losing- I'm on the losing end.

My dream would be to travel all over the world, meet awesome people, try awesome things, marry someone that will play with me and humor my randomness, grow old with that person and be happy. Right now my dream is in a whole called post-college economical slump. I have a job, thank God, I have a place to live (with the 'rents), all I need is car and then I am set for now. The rest will come with time, hopefully.
I spill my heart out because deep down I fear that I am going to settle for less than I want and if I don't settle I am going to end up alone for my life. I fear that no one will look at me, share with me what I have to offer or want to love me for who I am and not just want the "other" stuff.
Since I was in 9th grade I have made a promise to myself that I would stay true to one man, my husband. I have made mistakes, but not to the end. To this day, I keep a white candle in my room that I will light when I have sex for the first time. That first time I want to be with my husband and only him. I don't want to light my candle before that time and have a used candle for him. No that would be dumb.
Now as a post-college student I feel that my availability to find a man or even guy friends has slimmed by a whole ton. But, I am not going to give up and maybe I will get lucky and find the perfect man for me.

Some Qualities I want
Loyal
Funny
smart
Believer
playful
romantic
good cook
handy with house/ car
wants kids
kind
generous
spontaneous
traveler
lover


plus many more
One day, One day

<3 <3