Sunday, September 25, 2011
I Rest My Case
By your definition, I am not a horrible person. To me, I wish there was another way to say it. I have let myself become immersed in lies and in past failures. I know is why I am where I am today. You see I am the kind of person that when I try
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Lack There Of
Ok, the title of this has little to do with the actual post, as of right now.
I am one of those people who always dream of something more glamorous in my life, something exotic and just seriously off the wall and out in left field. However, as I stated in my last blog, I am not that lucky. In fact, I almost never win at luck stuff. When I am competing or doing something that requires work from me, sure I get what I put into it, but when it comes to straight up winning or losing- I'm on the losing end.
My dream would be to travel all over the world, meet awesome people, try awesome things, marry someone that will play with me and humor my randomness, grow old with that person and be happy. Right now my dream is in a whole called post-college economical slump. I have a job, thank God, I have a place to live (with the 'rents), all I need is car and then I am set for now. The rest will come with time, hopefully.
I spill my heart out because deep down I fear that I am going to settle for less than I want and if I don't settle I am going to end up alone for my life. I fear that no one will look at me, share with me what I have to offer or want to love me for who I am and not just want the "other" stuff.
Since I was in 9th grade I have made a promise to myself that I would stay true to one man, my husband. I have made mistakes, but not to the end. To this day, I keep a white candle in my room that I will light when I have sex for the first time. That first time I want to be with my husband and only him. I don't want to light my candle before that time and have a used candle for him. No that would be dumb.
Now as a post-college student I feel that my availability to find a man or even guy friends has slimmed by a whole ton. But, I am not going to give up and maybe I will get lucky and find the perfect man for me.
Some Qualities I want
Loyal
Funny
smart
Believer
playful
romantic
good cook
handy with house/ car
wants kids
kind
generous
spontaneous
traveler
lover
plus many more
One day, One day
<3 <3
I am one of those people who always dream of something more glamorous in my life, something exotic and just seriously off the wall and out in left field. However, as I stated in my last blog, I am not that lucky. In fact, I almost never win at luck stuff. When I am competing or doing something that requires work from me, sure I get what I put into it, but when it comes to straight up winning or losing- I'm on the losing end.
My dream would be to travel all over the world, meet awesome people, try awesome things, marry someone that will play with me and humor my randomness, grow old with that person and be happy. Right now my dream is in a whole called post-college economical slump. I have a job, thank God, I have a place to live (with the 'rents), all I need is car and then I am set for now. The rest will come with time, hopefully.
I spill my heart out because deep down I fear that I am going to settle for less than I want and if I don't settle I am going to end up alone for my life. I fear that no one will look at me, share with me what I have to offer or want to love me for who I am and not just want the "other" stuff.
Since I was in 9th grade I have made a promise to myself that I would stay true to one man, my husband. I have made mistakes, but not to the end. To this day, I keep a white candle in my room that I will light when I have sex for the first time. That first time I want to be with my husband and only him. I don't want to light my candle before that time and have a used candle for him. No that would be dumb.
Now as a post-college student I feel that my availability to find a man or even guy friends has slimmed by a whole ton. But, I am not going to give up and maybe I will get lucky and find the perfect man for me.
Some Qualities I want
Loyal
Funny
smart
Believer
playful
romantic
good cook
handy with house/ car
wants kids
kind
generous
spontaneous
traveler
lover
plus many more
One day, One day
<3 <3
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Murphy's Law
Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
That's pretty much my life in a nutshell. I am not a lucky person when it comes to "luck" things, like winning the lottery or gambling. My sister has always been lucky in those things. I also have a tendency to be unlucky in other things as well, like buying cars. The first one I had died and now I'm searching for another and haven't come up with much. In school, I am a natural learner but I have never been a good student. I find it hard to focus sometimes. On important occasions, my imperfections and lack of luck cause me to stress. Then the law that governs us all becomes even more prevalent, because I let the little things that don't go my way affect me so much, that everything ends up going wrong. However, I am lucky in many regards. My family, though not perfect, is the best family in the world. My friends are amazing and awesome and I couldn't ask for better. They sometimes notice when I am struggling and sometimes they don't. However, lately it has been more of a struggle than not.
I recently moved from Fast Lamping, where is was living for school and I moved back in with my parents. It was good that I moved because I have a job and I can start saving some money without having to pay for rent. Also I have been in a situation that has caused me some stress for awhile now. I was living in a ministry house near school and I had been living there for two years. I knew it was time to move out or on, but I did not have the options to go anywhere. The school year was starting, I didn't have a job and I could not afford to move anywhere else. Also my heart wasn't in the position it was in two years ago when I moved in. I have been falling and falling hard. There have been ledges to cling to until they break and I fall some more. Until I find Him again, I'll keep falling, I know. I am searching for some many things and He hasn't been one of those things; even though He should be first. It is my sin that I doubt, I fear, and I don't trust. I need Him, but I cannot find Him. I am the lost sheep, the prodigal's son, I only need to find my way back. My life is Murphy's Law. When could've gone wrong, went wrong and I listened to lies. Now it's the hardest because I have to break the chains which I have built around myself and find Him, though He is next to me. If only I opened my eyes to see.
Proverbs 3: 5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.
James 1: 2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Yours forever
Kaleidoscope
That's pretty much my life in a nutshell. I am not a lucky person when it comes to "luck" things, like winning the lottery or gambling. My sister has always been lucky in those things. I also have a tendency to be unlucky in other things as well, like buying cars. The first one I had died and now I'm searching for another and haven't come up with much. In school, I am a natural learner but I have never been a good student. I find it hard to focus sometimes. On important occasions, my imperfections and lack of luck cause me to stress. Then the law that governs us all becomes even more prevalent, because I let the little things that don't go my way affect me so much, that everything ends up going wrong. However, I am lucky in many regards. My family, though not perfect, is the best family in the world. My friends are amazing and awesome and I couldn't ask for better. They sometimes notice when I am struggling and sometimes they don't. However, lately it has been more of a struggle than not.
I recently moved from Fast Lamping, where is was living for school and I moved back in with my parents. It was good that I moved because I have a job and I can start saving some money without having to pay for rent. Also I have been in a situation that has caused me some stress for awhile now. I was living in a ministry house near school and I had been living there for two years. I knew it was time to move out or on, but I did not have the options to go anywhere. The school year was starting, I didn't have a job and I could not afford to move anywhere else. Also my heart wasn't in the position it was in two years ago when I moved in. I have been falling and falling hard. There have been ledges to cling to until they break and I fall some more. Until I find Him again, I'll keep falling, I know. I am searching for some many things and He hasn't been one of those things; even though He should be first. It is my sin that I doubt, I fear, and I don't trust. I need Him, but I cannot find Him. I am the lost sheep, the prodigal's son, I only need to find my way back. My life is Murphy's Law. When could've gone wrong, went wrong and I listened to lies. Now it's the hardest because I have to break the chains which I have built around myself and find Him, though He is next to me. If only I opened my eyes to see.
Proverbs 3: 5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.
James 1: 2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Yours forever
Kaleidoscope
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Me, Myself, and the Pile of Yarn
Hey
I started this blog because I wanted to be able to comment on my friend's blog but then I was like, why not start my own... again?
The title of this entry comes from the well known theory about men and women's minds. Men are compartmentalized. Their minds are separated into boxes. On the other hand a woman's mind is a continuous and one long piece of sting- yarn to be specific. Now one day, my friends and I were discussing this. My one friend, Felicia, commented on how my mind is not really a ball of string- more like the ball of string is completely unwound and in a pile. While others fully agreed with Felicia, I resented this, even though I knew is was true. Now, I am completely confident and content with my pile of yarn. I can attach the seemingly most random things and when asked to retrace my steps, my friends often find that I have delved through movies, books, music, past experiences and other things to connect the two subjects- hence a pile of sting. You can pick up two pieces of the pile and through my complex mess of string you can connect the two. It might be the same as other women, but my musings seem to be further apart. I just thought you should know.
The title of the blog however, is closer to a play on words than anything, but not really. See, my name starts with Kal and so I have always had an affinity with kaleidescopes. Also this blog is for everything about me and my life and everything around me. In this blog there will be things I like, dislike, dreams, ambitions, musings, words of wisdom, recipes and much more.
I hope you enjoy.
<3
Kali
I started this blog because I wanted to be able to comment on my friend's blog but then I was like, why not start my own... again?
The title of this entry comes from the well known theory about men and women's minds. Men are compartmentalized. Their minds are separated into boxes. On the other hand a woman's mind is a continuous and one long piece of sting- yarn to be specific. Now one day, my friends and I were discussing this. My one friend, Felicia, commented on how my mind is not really a ball of string- more like the ball of string is completely unwound and in a pile. While others fully agreed with Felicia, I resented this, even though I knew is was true. Now, I am completely confident and content with my pile of yarn. I can attach the seemingly most random things and when asked to retrace my steps, my friends often find that I have delved through movies, books, music, past experiences and other things to connect the two subjects- hence a pile of sting. You can pick up two pieces of the pile and through my complex mess of string you can connect the two. It might be the same as other women, but my musings seem to be further apart. I just thought you should know.
The title of the blog however, is closer to a play on words than anything, but not really. See, my name starts with Kal and so I have always had an affinity with kaleidescopes. Also this blog is for everything about me and my life and everything around me. In this blog there will be things I like, dislike, dreams, ambitions, musings, words of wisdom, recipes and much more.
I hope you enjoy.
<3
Kali
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