Trust (from 04-14-2008)

Trust. That word is so powerful. The action is even more powerful. Sure it's used in team building exercises and stuff like that, but I'm talking about real trust. The kind that you have with your friends and that you have with you family and that you have with yourself. It is a beautiful thing, trust. When you have it, you feel that you can do anything and everything. When you don't have trust, well, then you are just scared to do anything and that is the longest road you can ever take.
It's deeper than you might think.Trust starts when you are just a wee baby. Then it grows as you do. I don't know when I stopped trusting people. It had to be when I was younger, maybe elementary school or before. I really don't know. You can't trust haters, and they were all around me. Now I hide in my cocoon and wait for the day when my world changes. It won't be for a millennium, but I'm sure one day I will turn around and I'll have something so wonderful and amazing. I will be free to be who ever I want to be and no one can stop me. You can trust me on that.

I love you!
Kali

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will keep your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5

God made a promise to never flood the earth again. He put a rainbow in the sky as a reminder of that promise. We know that God kept His promise. We can trust Him.

Misunderstood Princess (as of 12-11-2008)

My heart is crushed, and its all your fault.
I called you and you hung up the phone.
I asked for you, but you weren’t home.
I love you, but sometimes I’m all alone,
because I can’t feel you love from where I am.
I miss you and I wish youw ere here.
My love for you is deep.
I want you to know.
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Lost, empty, suffereing, ashamed, depressed, hurt, cut, lonesome, misunderstood, sad, self-conscience, angry, pain
How to Save a Life
"I pray to God that He hears you and I pray to God He hears you"
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"There is only one happiness: to love and be loved" -Hawthorn
Heart is beauty, beauty is lovely. You knwo your heart! Keep it up, you are loved!
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Staring at you
I see all you face
the hardest thing to see
is what is under that face
behind the face to see the real you
who are you?
I really want to know
PLEASE TELL ME!
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The sound from your lips is like a bird singing a new day.
The smell of your presences is like the first buds of spring coming into bloom.
The taste of your lips is like sweet honey fresh from the bee’s hive.
Your touch is as gentle as a soft breeze on my cheek.
I see you are, darling, you are perfect.
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I’m lost in a see of faces, but none of them are mine. I hide my broken heart so the world can’t see me suffer. I hide my tears, so you can’t see my pain. I am embarressed of it, it shouldn’t be this way. Why can’t I be free of this burden I carry? It bears heavy on my heart. I don’t even know what it is or what it is doing to me. But if beauty is in the eye of the beholder why can’t I see mine.......

Harry Potter Dreams

Well, the thing is I keep having Harry Potter dreams...you know dreams with Harry Potter in them.

So, anyway, the other night I had a dream that everyone (meaning Hagrid, Harry Ron, Dumbledore, and Hermione) was in this big library waiting for the new book to come out (HP 7) and there was a mysterious ghost there as well. No one really cared about the ghost or anything... some people actually teased the ghost...but she remained silent. Then there was this earthquake and everyone wanted to find out what was going on. Hermione tried to help the ghost... she figured that if someone figured out what was wrong with the the earthquake would stop... So she went outside with the ghost and asked it what was wrong. Then the ghost called her Haylee and reached up to be held... Hermione picked her up like she wasn't a ghost and carried her back inside... The earthquake was still going when she went inside, but she found Harry and asked him, "why would my mother call me Haylee?" She realized that she remembered her mother calling her Haylee... After that everything just clicked... Hermione was the little ghost, a muggle girl who had been killed by a wizard family (accidentally), more specifically, Haylee's, so the wizard family wanting to keep the muggles from telling, they performed a memory charm on both their daughter (Haylee) and the muggles, so that they would forget that they ever part of something else, but Haylee kept her powers and that is how 'Hermione' got her powers being "muggle born" and then I woke up...

My Little Sister

This was inspired by Autumn Kenney

I am the older sister
I have a younger sister
She is beautiful and fun
creative and lovely
she is my sister for life and forever
She is my favorite sister
She is always in my heart and on my mind
for a wish I could watch her forever
and take care of her when she is sad
I can't be there for ever so I have to let her
fly
but I have other sisters

All my little and younger sisters
are beautiful and lovely
I haven't known them as long as
my blood
Those girls have touched my life
in ways that real sisters cannot
I met them a long time ago and
I have watched them grow
I wish I could tell you how I feel
but I love you more that you know
God has blessed me with a blood
sister and sisters of Christ

So sisters if you need anything
I hope you will call because I
would do what I can to love
you as a sister.

Party With Jesus (a song I wrote for a church talent show)

There you go
flippin' your toes
when you could be waitin'
you could be waitin' (repeat)

waitin' for the party
the party of a lifetime
Jesus said I'll be back again
and when He is
we'll be singing

Party with Jesus (Party ova here, party ova here)
and when He comes
we're gonna party all day (yeah, yeah)
so, I'm gonna jump jump
I'm gonna dance dance
I wanna be ready to
Party with Jesus

I'm on my knees and
I'm praying
I'm praying (repeat)
Later that day
I'm with my friends
I'm worried what I'm gonna say
When Jesus is on His way
So I'm gonna tell my friends

Party with Jesus (Party ova here, party ova here)
and when He comes
we're gonna party all day (yeah, yeah)
so, I'm gonna jump jump
I'm gonna dance dance
I wanna be ready to
Party with Jesus

Talking: You know, I always wondered if God has a sense of humor or if Jesus could break it down... I guess we'll have to wait and see!

because nothing is gonna stop me
from living my life
for Jesus
for Jesus
and the love that He showed me
is so amazing
I just can't wait for when that time comes

Party with Jesus (Party ova here, party ova here)
and when He comes
we're gonna party all day (yeah, yeah)
so, I'm gonna jump jump
I'm gonna dance dance
I wanna be ready to
Party with Jesus

I'm gonna party with Jesus (Miz Glo's woot woot)
Never gonna stop the
Party with Jesus

Party with Jesus (Party ova here, party ova here)
and when He comes
we're gonna party all day (yeah, yeah)
so, I'm gonna jump jump
I'm gonna dance dance
I wanna be ready to
Party with Jesus

Party with Jesus (Party ova here, party ova here)
and when He comes
we're gonna party all day (yeah, yeah)
so, I'm gonna jump jump
I'm gonna dance dance
I wanna be ready to
Party with Jesus

Dear... (from Sunday, February 11, 2011)

Hey
Today at church, we sang the song "When I see the Blood". The song made me think of you. I know you are supposed to think of Jesus dying on the cross during those kinds of songs but I thought of you. I remembered that time when I was little and you had cut yourself with the little knife while working on improving our house. I remember coming into your bedroom and asking you if you needed a band-aid because I saw that you were bleeding. You said no but thanks. Then we drove you to the hospital. You needed stitches. I haven't thought about that incident for many years. But today, I think I know the significance or at least a little piece of it, but then I remember the dream I had about you. I told you about it. We were going to a speech by President Obama. We were waiting for it to start. The president walked up to the front and said before we start I would like to pray. I thought this was odd, as did you, because you made some sarcastic comment about it. But, when he started praying you felt inclined to stand up. I was watching you, but then you fell. I was first to you and I yelled at someone to get a defibrillator because I was sure that you had a heart attack. Then I started doing CPR, because I knew how. Then I woke up. These stories have something in common. Me and you, needing help.
You are proud and don't like to ask for help. You like to deal. You like to be in control. When you cut your finger, you had to get help, but not from a worried little girl, but from a professional because the wound was too deep for her band-aid to fix. When, in my dream, you fell, it was me that was there to save you, not so little anymore, but grown and almost gone. I can't save you, nor do I want to. It's not my job, but I know who can. I know that you know HIM, and I know that you know this. It's been on my heart for years and years. You have to let HIM have you. You have to let HIM stitch you up and breathe life into you.
But these stories aren't about you, they are about me and how I feel about you. I need to take the same advice. I need to let The Professional have you. I don't want to have to worry that every time I get a call that something is wrong with you or something happened to you. I don't want that burden, but right now I have it, because every time I get a call from your direction, I worry that it's because of you. I love you so much; more than I show, and more than you probably know. I don't want anything to happen to you. I want you to be there when I am living my life, as I grow older.You are the one person that I want to make proud. Everything I do, I know I can do better. I don't want to ever disappoint you, but for some reason, I always feel I do. Even when you look proud, there is doubt. It could be because I have failed in something that we have been working on for many, many years and now I have just given up (sort of) or because right now it looks like I have no prospects for when I am done with school or maybe it's because I am so much like you and you don't want the same life for me as the one you had, jumping around from job to job. I don't know but whatever it is. I feel like I have failed you and you can't be proud of me or accept me for who I am and what I do and that cuts me like a knife. It cuts me deeper than stitches can fix. I can't admit this to your face because I am scared that you will get angry or cry or a combination of the two. If I tell you this, I think I would be even more of a disappointment to you, because I should know that you are always proud of me and that you love me. I know that, I do. I just don't feel it and it's holding me back. You want to know why I don't talk to you why I don't come to you with things, it's because I don't think that you can give me what I need. God knows I want that. I want to be able to talk to you like I do with friends. I want to tell you things that I am happy about and that I am sad about because I know that you will take an interest and be happy or sad for me and not try and fix everything. That's not what I need. I have faith that things will get taken care of, what I need to know is that you love me and can be happy for what is going on in my life whether you approve of it or not.
I don't know if you will ever see this or read it, but right now before me and God. I am coming clean on "paper" of  I want from you and I am giving it away. I'm giving it to my FATHER. It's hard for me to see HIS love sometimes, but I know it's there and I know that HE will love me for who I am. HE will never stop. I know it's unfair for me to compare you to GOD, but HE has it right. I love you. I love you. I love you. I want you to know that. Always and forever.
LOVE ALWAYS,
Yours

Tasty

Pumpkin Cookies by Nicole B.
2 c. Sugar
2 c. Shortening
16oz Can Pumpkin
2 Eggs

4 c. Flour
2 tsp Vanilla, Baking Powder, Cinnamon
1 tsp Baking Soda, Salt, Nutmeg
1/2 tsp Allspice
2 c. Chocolate Chips

Oven 350 degrees
Bake 12- 16 Minutes
Grease cookie sheet

Automatic

So you know how things come second nature to us, like saying "bless you" or please and thank you. Or actions that are automatic, like when you are coming up to a red light you automatically put your foot on the brake. We have been trained to do these things. In everyday life training isn't too hard. It just deals with repetition. Athletic training is slightly harder because of the forces that are exerted on and by your body. A person can only take so much wear and tear. Spiritual training is probably the hardest of all and also the most important. I Corinthians 9:25 says. "Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever." The crown that Paul talks about is our treasure stored in Heaven. All our training is leading up to what God has in store for us. The spiritual training that we have to do is more than repetition. Like athletes, the training has to be continual and has to increase as the Spirit in you grows stronger. Overtime, the things we used to struggle with become second nature- automatic. However, we can't let the automatic become stagnate and unchanging. Even our automatic has to grow and include the new things that God puts in our lives and in our hearts.

My heart is stagnate. I stumble daily. I say these things here because I need to be reminded myself of what I must do to break the automatic setting I am on. My setting- nothing. No prayer, no devotion, little worship and little interaction with people who can be accountable to me. I am ashamed of myself and what I know to be true about me. I know I should be automatic to turn to God and I want to be and there should be not "buts" but there are. And the sad part is, God loves me just the way I am, despite the fact that I have failed Him more times than I even know and how little I speak with Him. He is ever surrounding me, reminding me that He is God and that I can't control everything. He has everything handled.

Tuesday of this week, I was really struggling. I was doing some work for my mom. I was picking up some of those free magazine boxes (the ones that hold all the home owners papers) and there were a lot of them. My mom has a Yukon XL. If it weren't for that I would have had to make about 100 trips to get all these boxes for her. In actuality there were only about 17 so it wasn't a crazy amount, but these boxes are heavy and not easily moved because of their shape and weigh. I was lifting these heavy boxes into my moms car. I was getting bruised and banged up, plus I had walked a 5k on Saturday and I was very sore from that. Needless to say I was not in a good mood, and I was close to tears all day. Here is the real deal right here: in my mom's car, she has XM radio. I listen to the top 40 stations mostly, but that day they were playing songs that I was just sick of, so I left it on my mom;s station, the message. God works in interesting ways and let me tell you, He has gotten me with music more times than one. So all the songs that came on talked about God loving you for who you are and not what you do and no matter what you do God is still God and he is going to take care of everything. It was about 4 or 5 songs right in a row and after the 3rdish one I was crying for sure. The problem is that I know better and these random moments of God should not be happening. I am not automatic for God and I know I should be. And the fact that I am writing this shows that I know what to do and how to do it, but I just don't. Why? I know why. I still don't feel like I am worthy of His love and because I don't feel worthy, I am ashamed, therefore what should have been automatic has become a chore. Wow. That really sucks, putting that into words.  >.< 

I am an athlete and I know what goes into training. It's hard work and as an athlete, I have been burned by training (people mostly, but it's part of the training). I know I won't get burned by God but it doesn't stop the reminders from cropping up. I need constant reminding of James 1 where the words of James are wise and important for all the hear and understand and follow. Let God become automatic. Let Love become automatic and let everything else fall away. In every situation, if God is your automatic nothing can be against you.

Sunshine fall on your face. Let joy be in your heart. Let love move with and through you. For God's love is living and active. He is the light of the world and He brings joy to our hearts. Nothing can stop the powerful name of Christ.


<Love3
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